I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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