I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
