Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
