I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My hand turned me down
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
