i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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