Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
