Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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