At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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