dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
