He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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