why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My vagina just recognized that song.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm sobbing to NWA
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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