they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
