just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize