My sheets look like a crime scene.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
