she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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