I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You pole danced in your parka.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
