Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
only if we run a train.
done.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
