I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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