Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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