thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
