Those balls look pretty dangerous.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
