His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
