I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
