i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
