mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
