Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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