I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
