nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
