the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
