I think i peed on brittanys purse
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
