i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize