at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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