Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
