I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
