i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
