you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
