You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
