Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
