I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
