I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
