id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
