everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
