please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
