So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
