Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
