I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
