You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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