I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
