In the future we'll all be gay
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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