Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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