So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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