We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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