I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
