so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
