yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
