Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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