Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
