that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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