I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize