He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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