I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
