This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
