So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We talked him into tasing himself.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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