dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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