if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
