um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
