my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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