Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
