So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
