her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
