I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
