sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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