theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
