Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
