I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
