the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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