if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You made out with two different species that night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
