Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
