Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
