I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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