I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
