I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
