No period for spring break; use this wisely.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
