So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
