we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
