coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well you can't waste a boner
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize