How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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