4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
