I will die if light touches me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm always down for nudity.
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