I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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