I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
