can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
