My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
