how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
