Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In America we eat man semen.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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