me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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