So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
