I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
that's an acceptable place to lick
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
