omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
