You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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