She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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