The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They have beer where we have blood.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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