Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
