You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
