Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
