I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
